coming for a visit - not a marriage proposal

So I'm trying to figure out why I'm avoiding this email, because I clearly am.
I'm apprehensive about your visit, partly because I'm very worried about how little time I'd be able to give you,
but mainly because of what it means. I keep telling in myself that it's like a friend is coming to visit, because that seems to be the only thing that makes me not stress.
So then I wonder why I need to do that, because I care for you and I really do enjoy spending time with you.

It's kinda hard to explain why the idea of having a significant other installs panic in me, but that's what happens anytime I think of being attached to a person, and it just makes me avoid you at all costs.
I know you aren't pressuring me or asking for anything from me, it just that your actions suggest you want more than we have, and that's hard for me.
What I'm saying is that I've had a great time with you, and i've learned and grown being around you, but it was always something I felt that was transient.
That's not to say that I thought we would disappear from each others lives when I moved away. I'm not really sure what I thought would happen, I avoided the thought.
I suppose this is what you were getting at on the swings way back...

You had mentioned on the phone you wanted an indication about whether there was a potential we, or if you should be out meeting new people.
Please don't hold back from anything on my account, it's safe to say I'm not in the head space for a any kind of relationship in the near future.
I definitely enjoy having you in my life, and I really hope we can be friends for a long time, because our heads are both quirky enough to make a pretty effing delightful combination.
This isn't me saying you shouldn't come visit, but this is me saying that you shouldn't be investing yourself into a potential future of some kind between us. I'm just not there.

I know this email doesn't say anything profound or have any much input from me, it's just me letting you know what i'm thinking, and why i'm acting the way i am.
I hope you are having a great little break and getting some of your wonderful art done. What have you been up to? Really am sorry about how shit I am at the communications...
certainly not my strong point. Just being an ostrich. Take care for now


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You're on my mind

I think about you at least once every minute of my day. It's rather annoying...:)

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sexy

Well you've gone from cute to adorable to sexy as hell within a week...you scare me. :)


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NO RAT TAIL, NO DEAL

hey, you're kind of cute, actually. but i don't have a rat tail,
although i did dig that other guy's rat tail. this is what i really
look like (not that you'll like my real hairstyle any better). i
guess i should have fixed up more for the show. so do you want to go
out?

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GET REAL, GET LOST

would it be entirely inappropriate to say, that I miss you?
----

not inappropriate, fruitless.

i don't get you.

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i'm not an asshole. maybe scared, who isn't? you scared me when i went to toronto.
then my life just took a weird turn, and now i live in the middle of nowhere, doing the middle of nothing.

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you blew it.

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i did blow it and i did change my whole life for a whore who screwed me over again.
i am awesome at making rash crappy decisions. i don't think you ever trusted me, your not good at that. beyond all of that, doesn't mean i didn't care about you.




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autumn sweater

Because it's Hanukkah, I will tell you what happen. The "gross STD-giver" fucked the sweater while it wore the cardigan and gave it something. They were so embarrassed that they split sometime in the night, never to be seen again. In the cardigan wearing sweaters' defense, they were drunk.

LEAVE ME ALONE

writing to check in. coming off a wonderfully relaxing weekend. american nearly felt like canada must.

you still in town? any remarkable details to divulge? "why would i tell a fellow i hardly know."

not true. you don't know me at all. but that i'm american. and quite lowercase at that.

i hope you're well. maybe see you soon.

pick up lines don't work - stick to your literary references

I like the Natural History Museum. I like to walk in and imagine Holden Caulfield was there only minutes before - erasing all the fucks in the Egyptian section (Bonus literary reference!)

As for the other reference: I said that my friend and I narrowed down your sexual proclivities (peccadillos?) as either a) whips, chains, leather, diamond encrusted dildos - you know, the kind of stuff we ALL have in our bottom drawers - or b) dressing up as a cat. You snuffed out the chains so that meant there was only one answer left.

You know what I just thought of? I just thought of the most interesting pick up line ever. I'm going to save it.

rocks tonic juice magic

Provided that you met your ultra important, super duper pressing deadline this morning, I think you should chase the dragon again with
me tonight at K&M. Tasty tunes provided, yet again, by our mustachioed friend!

What do you think?

OF COURSE you are back together

no one is more surprised than i am at how things have played out. if you can see where i'm coming from then hopefully you will understand why i had to do what i did. it's been months since i first wrote you that note and told you how i felt, and other then saying you cared about me, there was no indication of any romantic or sexual feelings. you may recall that before we hooked up it was a couple months since that last came up.

i'm only human and things just became too much too soon for me. i had to hit the reset button. at no point while we were together did i think that we were any more likely to date, or be a couple or whatever, than we were before it happened. that's honestly the impression i had of our situation. which is why i'm surprised and bummed out that this has upset you like it has now that it's over. so now i'm finding out that you were really into things and were coming around to the idea of us being together.

when you think about it we've been friends for way longer than we've been lovers so i really believe that we can fall back into our previous routine, more or less.

though it won't be exaaactly the same. so, i have to tell you that **** and i are something again. this just happened yesterday. what i need for you to know is that my decision to end things with you was made entirely independent of what's happened with her. i can say to you with complete confidence that i still would have ended things with you regardless of her. i can't make you believe that though.

i'm sorry. there's no other way to put it. i never knew what it was like to be blown away by someone until i met you. you are incredible. i want to know you for the rest of my life.

inadequately yours,

I AM NOT CRAZY, I SWEAR!

what the fuck, young lady? you so openly provide your email to thee to, then, withhold reply to my utterly charming memo. wasn't it? do you think i might be crazy, with the uncalled-for beard and aloof smoking posture? if i may say so, i am not crazy. me saying.

regardless, i thought to seek a little content to the form. genuinely curious as to what you're writing. if not, a piece of humanitarian advice: humor the next one you spell it out for and CONTRIVE the email address. therefore, you'll be immune from any of these self-pleasuring second email diatribes.

any which way, good morning. north america couldn't be more beautiful, today.

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Thanks for introducing me to Boston babes

good afternoon. it's me, the dude from legion who provoked talk of hockey between you and the bostonians. how did the night proceed? mine, easily. as well as longly.

Drink 'Til We're Gone

LOL... if you like free booze and good music you should come to my house. Admittedly the party scene in my apartment is limited but you get better alcohol :)
Do you have any plans for tomorrow night? we can get some beers and go see a movie. I got half priced tickets for pretty much everything and you have a talent for booze smuggling.

RIP cat, weird dude

I just wanted to see if you're doing alright, or the best you can be right now. I want to call you but i know you need your alone time to grieve, so just call me if you need to talk, or just want to hear from me. I don't want to crowd you right now. But just know i'm thinking about you non stop.

Always remember you gave Pepper an amazing life, one far better than most people can give to one of their animals.

Keep your head high my little lady.

Stage 5 clinger

kind of got the impression that I annoyed you when we were last on the phone with each other. I don't know, maybe I'm just over thinking it a little.

So yeah, hopefully that isn't the case. I don't know, call me when you can I guess.


And sorry if I did annoy you.

miss you.

xoxoxo

watch your heart or it could be stolen by lonely boy

i'm sad you're gone, and that i didn't get to say a proper goodbye. especially after such short notice that you're both leaving, and single. it's a shame we couldn't share a little last night in town snuggle. you'll be the first to know when and if i decide to take my chances with wine.

miss you, you know you love me! xo xo

street fighting man

I just got mugged hard in Phnom Pemh== beat to hell; destroyed shirt, broken fingers and stolen phone. Details when I am on a decent computer. Ouch!
I found the guy and brought two bamboo shoots-- didnt matter. He disliked me more than I disliked him-- my body feels like shit.

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ya= walking home, pilled out. on my phone. he came up and asked if i wanted a moto taxi and just started punching me. i landed one on him, beefore he had me on my back, kicking my chest, back and face. thought i was going to die. didnt get my camera though. i got up and ran towards his friend on the moto bike-- he pulled out a big butcher machete cleaver. i ran after the moto like an idiot. finally grabbed 2 bamboo sticks and went to the snooker club where the gangs hang out. that was foolish. i had a shirt completely ripped down the front-- juist fucked up and sleeves. bare chested. i dropped one stick, while arguing with some guy-- there were 40. then, the guy spotted me before i saw him and he came up and punched me. i hit him with the bamboo stick, before he bowled me over and everyone pulled him off me. i said, i just want my phone. 20 dollars? its a phone that a girl at my work let me borrow. he ran at me again-- i finally just walked home.

2 broken fingerss-- big bandages on chest., back and eye. i was dumb to go back and look for it. in a country this poor, those in poverty have no consequences. if they would have killed me, who would have cared-- scary world.

least they didnt get my camera. i cant type with my hand all fucked.

love is hell

I don't even know where to start. First of all I wish I was with you so I could slap and hug you at the same time.

Live for yourself first and foremost. I know what you are going through. I can't say I'm in your shoes but I know what you are going trough. You worked hard for a career and you had it taken away. You worked hard not to be in debt and now you are knee deep in it. You worked hard for a good relationship and now you don't have one. Well guess what it gets better. You will find another job that you love beleive me. You will get out of debt. Everyone has debt once in their life. I know you don't like it and it makes you feel nervous since you always had issues with money/debt since you were young but you will get out of it. As for being in love, YOU of all people don't need to worry about that. I know things may seems shitty especially now but I don't know if you noticed dudes LOVE you. Granted it may take a little time to find one as good or better then **** and what you guys had but guess what it WILL happen. So get your head out of the gutter and LIVE your life. You moved to **** for a fresh start so go and start it. If it doesn't work out move back to ****, or move to Machu Pichu where ever you need to go. Where ever you go you should probably know that you will always be loved by at least one person. Well one and a half I'm counting **** as a half right now.

Things are always darkest before they get brighter, remember that. Soon it will be so bright you will need to wear sunglasses at night and have a excuse for it.
love always your bfff

YEAH AND YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT

Your are the love of my life. I miss you every second.

hey yo

I'm not apologizing, I'll just say we're even for you making me go on a walk of shame this morning in a cat fur t shirt. Peta drove by and threw a bucket of red paint at me.

I think he already took some xanax

is it just me or are you up at weird hours of the night?
i am headed to a "punk night" in phnom penh-- wonder what it has in store for me. regardless, i have a pocket full of xanax that i picked up for $2.50, so the night should be okay. it's weird spending US currency here. in some ways it legitimizes everything, instead of spending "play money"-- as i have the past year with pounds and euros. on the other hand, it just reinforces the whole ex-pat situation which kind of sickens me. you meet these old white men who talk about this country like it's a play ground-- not a foreign culture and population. i really hate most ex-pats i meet, and avoid them in most situations. i met a shitty south african and an english guy in the border town and they disgusted me. today, i met a really nice guy from maine who really improved my perception. i guess it's situational. i am just not into sex tourism and 'the most american sub sandwich!'

i guess you do have a tendency to weird guys out. too bad.

i don't know what it is, but i love TO. except for nearly everyone i know being out of town, that trip i had there last summer was absolutely amazing. speaking of, when i was in prague 10 days ago (!?), i saw the same bands that i went to see that night i stayed with you in toronto. it was really great. same situation-- seeing my favorite metal/punk bands from backstage. (my life is retarded.)

okay, out for the night. <3

one day we'll share a bottle of wine

I assume things are better in the heartland? (a little double entendre for both your feelings and the state of new jersey, as referenced by the likes of bruce springsteen and jon bon jovi)

no call on an anniversary? what is that shit?

and that's a rap

Well we didn't have the greatest talk cuz you were so exhausted,
but don't worry my little dear I haven't gone and lost it.
Your titties are so supple like a swollen pot of honey
And thank god you'll have sex with me cuz you still find me funny.
There's no one else I'd rather be with winter time or fall,
There's no girl anywhere near you, no need to try them all,
There's something that I want to say but I don't have the nerve,
Ah fuck it here it goes: My cutie, you're the one I lurv.

I found out he was in jail from fb...he's my "bf"

I was put in there because I had an upaid peeing in public ticket which I thought was a warning from last year. Was there for 24 hours only to have them realize is was a complete misdemeanor and charge with nothing and let me go. Total bullshit
I am fine
Hope everything is good with you.

after two weeks of silence

I will make some time to talk to you tomorrow or a day or time when I can get in touch with you

Sorry for not responding, I shouldn't be rude to you. I apologize