three weeks later

I didn't decide to call things off because you weren't available enough. i found you reasonably easy to read, which tells me that whether or not you were uncomfortable actually saying something, you were available enough to me that you weren't being guarded. That says a lot, and I appreciate it.

No, the point was that now is a difficult and messy time for you. when I added it up, it seemed inevitable that I would get drawn into a supporting role (based both on your need and my natural inclination) and would quickly find myself enmeshed in your life.

That, in itself, isn't a bad thing. I like you and I can easily see myself wanting to share a lot of your life at some point. What scared me off was that it looked likely to happen very quickly and I felt like I could get swallowed up whole by it.

If that seems pretty self absorbed of me, that's because it is. I've spent the last two years in therapy, digging around for all the information and perspective i need to assemble a robust and successful (not so) young man out of myself, and while I feel like I'm finally breaking through, everything seems so incredibly fragile to me right now, like it could all get blown away with any significant unscheduled change.

That's what scares me so much about getting involved with you right now. The idea that all that I've been waiting and hoping for could get blown away by a whirlwind of change and event that would totally throw me off my course.

It's nothing to do with *you*. I like you a lot. You're a wonderful warm person who has been really lovely to me. It's what your current circumstances that I want to stay out of.

Anyhow, this is all grist for Sunday brunch. But I just wanted to let you know right now in case you'd begun to think there was something wrong with you or something silly like that.

I hope you have a wonderful week.

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